Your Owner, Your Honour

 

⚖️ “Your Owner, Your Honour”: A Courtroom Drama No One Expected

It started with a typo. A single, innocent slip of the keyboard.

Instead of “Your Honour,” I typed “Your Owner” in a legal email to a very real judge.

I wish I could say this happened once. It didn’t.

Scene 1: The Court is in Session. So is the Comedy.

Picture this: A packed courtroom. Lawyers are adjusting ties, journalists are scribbling in notepads like they’re auditioning for Suits, and I — the humble legal assistant — stand at the edge with a laptop and a dream.

The judge enters.

“All rise!”

Everyone rises.

I hit “send” on the draft I just finished for our attorney. It reads:
“Dear Your Owner, please find the attached affidavit...”

Smiles drop. My phone pings. It's the attorney:

“YOU JUST CALLED THE JUDGE YOUR OWNER. ARE YOU OK???”

Scene 2: The Glare of Justice

Five minutes later, a voice echoes across the courtroom.

“Would the assistant responsible for this email like to explain themselves?”

It’s the judge.

He’s reading my email out loud, slowly and dramatically, like it’s the Constitution. Each syllable lands like a boxing glove to the face.

“Your... Owner?”

Muffled laughter. A cough. Someone drops their pen. My soul briefly leaves my body and applies for asylum in Canada.

Scene 3: Flashback to AutoCorrect - The Real Criminal

How did this happen? It all started with autocorrect. A cruel beast that once changed “public hearing” to “publicity hearing” in a government document. (We don’t talk about that case anymore.)

I had once typed “Dear Your Owner” in a pet adoption request — just once. Microsoft Word remembered.
And it waited. Like a snake. In the grass. Wearing a powdered wig.

Scene 4: Objection! Sustained! Someone Bring Me Tea!

Back in court, the judge sighs. He looks directly at me.

“Well, young man,” he says, “I certainly didn’t expect to be owned today.”

Laughter erupts. Even the bailiff snorts.

The judge, a man with the poker face of a seasoned diplomat, smirks.

“You're lucky I have a dog. Let’s just hope he doesn’t start calling me ‘Your Honour’ now.”

I nod. Apologize. Sit back down. Silently vow to sue autocorrect someday.

Scene 5: The Fallout

Later, in chambers, our attorney says:
“You’ve just made legal history. Not the kind that wins awards. The kind that gets turned into memes.”

And yes — by 4 p.m., a meme exists.
A picture of the judge, with the caption:
“When Your Honour Becomes Your Owner.”

I haven’t changed my phone wallpaper since.

Moral of the Story:

Always proofread. Especially in court.
Especially when addressing someone who can literally put you in jail for contempt.

Because while justice is blind…
AutoCorrect is absolutely savage.

👩‍⚖️🐾

Bonus Tip:
If you do mess up royally, just bow slightly, say “Forgive me, Your Ownership,” and pretend you’re from a Victorian courtroom.

It works surprisingly well.

Or at least, gets you excused early for "reasons."