If Shakespeare Had a Twitter Account

 

If Shakespeare Had a Twitter (X) Account

@TheRealBard 🔥✒️

"To tweet, or not to tweet—that is the question."

Let’s be honest: if William Shakespeare were alive today, he wouldn’t be toiling away with a quill in candlelight. No, he’d be subtweeting Marlowe, live-tweeting the Globe Theatre dramas, and dropping fire sonnets in 280 characters or less.

Here’s a glimpse of what it would look like if the Bard went full Gen Z with his Twitter game.

📱 Sample Tweets by @TheRealBard

1.
Just wrote a new play. Everyone dies. Critics say it's “too predictable.”

🙄 It’s called tragedy, Brenda.

2.
“Et tu, Brute?”
More like:
“Et TU? After everything???”
#TrustIssues #RIPCaesar

3.
Othello just blocked me. Again.
I said Desdemona deserves better and now I’m the villain?

4.
Dear Romeo,
Maybe wait one more minute before assuming your girlfriend is dead.
Sincerely,
Everyone
#CommunicationMatters

5.
New sonnet just dropped:
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
No, because you ghosted me after three dates.
#Unfollowed

6.
Lady Macbeth be like:
🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼
“Out, damn spot!”
Girl, just get some dish soap.

7.
Hamlet's been live for three hours. He's STILL monologuing.
Someone tell him we have a word limit now.

8.
If drama were a crime, my plays would be life sentences.
#ExtraSince1600

9.
Horoscopes:
♌ Leo – You’re dramatic.
♍ Virgo – You’re even more dramatic.
♎ Libra – You’re Hamlet.
♏ Scorpio – You are the ghost.

10.
Modern translations of my work:
Me: “Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
Them: “IDK, just vibes.”
#DoBetter

🧾 Shakespeare’s Twitter Bio

Wordsmith. Playwright. Professional eavesdropper. Ghostwriter for actual ghosts. I invented the word “eyeball.”

📌 Retweetable Life Advice by the Bard

• “If thou must throw shade, ensure thy mirror is clean.”
• “All the world’s a stage, but some people forgot their lines.”
• “Never date someone who says 'thou art the drama'... when they are the drama.”

📷 Instagram Crosspost

📸 @theRealBard
Selfie with a skull
"Just catching up with an old friend. #TBT #YorickVibes"

Final Tweet Before He Gets Banned:

“Yo Marlowe, I heard your play flopped harder than Lear’s parenting.”
account suspended for Elizabethan bullying

Would you follow @TheRealBard?

Tell me which Shakespeare character should get their own Twitter next—Hamlet's chaotic feed? Lady Macbeth's beauty hacks? Or Juliet's relationship advice column?