The Weak Get Eaten

 

🦁 The Weak Get Eaten

A Survival Blog from the Bottom of the Food Chain

Welcome, brave reader, to a tale of survival, sweat, and social sabotage — a world where weakness is a one-way ticket to being lunch. Whether you’re in the jungle, the boardroom, or a WhatsApp family group chat, remember this golden rule: the weak get eaten.

Chapter 1: The Jungle Has Wi-Fi Now

Let’s begin in the classic setting of nature's brutal beauty — the savannah. Ah yes, picture it: a zebra sipping peacefully from a waterhole, eyes closed, dreaming of open plains and grass buffet. Behind him, a lion is crouched like a furry ninja with dental problems.

“Don’t be weak,” the zebra’s mother once told him.

He forgot.

Snap. Crunch. Zebra.exe has stopped working.

And just like that, brunch is served.

Chapter 2: Office Jungle — Where the Predators Wear Ties

But who says the wild is limited to claws and fangs? No, my friend, welcome to Corporate Africa — where predators don’t roar, they reply-all. That’s right, in the 9-to-5 Serengeti, the weak don’t get eaten… they get looped into 3-hour Zoom calls and assigned “urgent-but-not-important” tasks at 4:59 PM on a Friday.

Meet Rajiv. Rajiv forgot to unmute during the quarterly review. He also said “we should pivot” in front of the boss. He is now… in HR limbo. His access card still works, but spiritually, he’s already been devoured.

Chapter 3: School Lunchroom — The Real Hunger Games

Some say kids are innocent. Those people have never seen a sixth-grade lunchroom. In this arena, Darwinian laws apply with extra cheese.

Timothy brought tofu for lunch.

Poor Timothy.

By 12:17 PM, he had traded his soy nuggets for a Capri-Sun and emotional trauma. The pack of cool kids — clad in branded sneakers and suspicious confidence — devoured his self-esteem faster than he could say “gluten-free.”

Timothy now hides in the library. Books don’t bite.

Chapter 4: The WhatsApp Family Group

If you're truly unlucky, you'll find yourself in the mother of all battlefields: the family WhatsApp group. No exit. No mercy. Just political forwards, recycled jokes from 2009, and an aunt who replies only with dancing GIFs of Shivaji Maharaj.

You show weakness once — say, by correcting someone’s fake news post — and you're done. Screenshot. Public shaming. Sudden demotion from “beta” to “WHO ASKED YOU?”

You’ll be eaten by emojis and unsolicited wellness tips faster than a deer on Red Bull.

Chapter 5: How Not to Get Eaten — A Beginner’s Guide

Let’s get serious. Or, at least mock-serious. Survival in the wild (and the wildly dramatic human world) is all about fake confidence, strategic snacks, and never showing fear in front of pigeons.

So here’s what you do:

• Walk fast. Always. Even if you’re lost. Confidence confuses predators.

• Make up facts. Say things like “Actually, sloths invented dancing” and say it like you’re the CEO of Discovery Channel.

• Develop a weird hobby. Nobody eats the guy who knits sweaters for snakes. They're just... respected.

Final Thoughts: Don't Be the Tofu in a World Full of Tigers

Look, life isn’t fair. The weak do get eaten — by bosses, school bullies, shady relatives, and sometimes actual lions. But that doesn’t mean you need to become a monster.

You just need to be spicy enough that nobody wants to eat you.

Or at least, leave a weird aftertaste.

Stay sharp, stay funny, and for heaven’s sake, never bring tofu to a popularity contest.

🦓💼🔥

Author’s Note:

No zebras were harmed during the writing of this blog. Rajiv, however, is still in that meeting.